Fear Factors in Divorce

Spooky-halloweenAt Halloween time, we enjoy the concept of all things spooky. On some level, we love to be scared. The “scare” you experience in a haunted house is undoubtedly very different than the “scare” of a life change. Fear of the unknown is a scary concept. In Divorce, most clients experience some kind of fear. They feel scared at different stages of the process, and we’re here to tell you…it’s normal. We understand the fears and identify certain stages where a Divorce client may feel scared. What are some of the potential fear factors in Divorce?

The Initial Consultation
Very often, you may spend years contemplating Divorce. You stay in a holding pattern because you cannot conceptualize the change. Even the idea of talking with an attorney may feel scary. The consultation is only that-a consultation. It is an opportunity to gather information with no obligation. Making an informed decision is inherently less scary than jumping in blindly.
The Decision to File-Leaving a relationship will inevitably provoke change. It is scary to think about how things will be different, but it is sometimes necessary to move forward. If the writing is on the wall, and you decide to initiate Divorce, you may be surprised at your feeling of relief in finally making a very tough decision.

Your Spouse’s Reaction
As each situation is different, your spouse may or may not be expecting the news of a pending Divorce. It is important to discuss the circumstances with your attorney(s) so that he or she can present the Divorce papers in the most diplomatic way possible.

Gathering Financial Data
Not everyone has financial documents at your fingertips. You may not even understand the full picture, and this can be scary. Your attorney(s) and support staff can walk you through the process of financial disclosure and even tell you where to locate such documents.

Limited Access to Your Children
The concept of not seeing your kids everyday is very scary. We can all agree that this scenario is not ideal, but there will be certain order in the schedules of your children. It’s important to use designated parenting time as family time. Parent in a way that you normally would, and spend the time in a positive, loving manner. The adjustment will certainly become less frightening.
Being Alone
If you’ve come to the realization that divorce is your only option, then you are not in the right place in your relationship. What is more scary? – Existing in a bad relationship or being alone? Although, you may not see it right away, you will likely find joy in rediscovering yourself. With that comes all kinds of new possibilities. Always remember to use your support system, whoever that may be.
Financial Uncertainty
It’s scary to understand how finances will be split or how you may move forward in a career. This is a huge focus for your attorney(s). He or she will work to ensure that finances are fairly split. He or she will also be diligent in securing reasonable financial equality with respect to career earnings.
Custody of the Children
Any parent probably fears this the most. When, how and how often will you be able to see your children? Furthermore, who will get to make decisions regarding the kids? Parents, children, attorneys and the Court, itself, believe that having both parents involved is the best solution. Notwithstanding extreme circumstances, this will always be the goal.
Moving from Your Home
You have put your roots down, and we understand that moving can be scary. It’s important to remember that other houses can and will be a home. Even without Divorce, it is sometimes necessary to move. Don’t let your emotions drive you into poor decision making.
The End of your Marriage
This is a valid fear. It is sad to end a relationship. It has often been said that Divorce feels like a death. There is a time to mourn the loss. Take the time to understand your emotions, find support, and by all means, give yourself time to heal. Although it is an “ending”, it is also a new “beginning” for you as well.

As scary as it is, it is sometimes necessary to move yourself forward. Trust your feeling, and trust your instincts. Start by scheduling a free consultation if you feel like Divorce may be in your future. Gather information, and make an informed decision. Then trust the guidance of your attorney(s), as he or she will work to advocate for the most reasonable solution. Little by little, the fear will turn to confidence as you step forward into your new future.


This is a legal advertisement from Sterk Family Law Group. It does not constitute legal advice and should not be construed as such. This article is for informational and educational purposes only.

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